Trend or reality?
Here and there, words start showing up in the media, and BOOM, everyone is a victim or everyone is married to one.
All the people I spoke with in the last year or so, on the professional or personal side, were either going through a divorce, having a problem at work, dating someone who they labeled as a narcissist, or felt like gaslighting victims.
Are you really?
Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation in which the offender tries to make the target doubt his or her own perception of reality and the content of his or her own thoughts by making the target doubt the truth of what he or she says, by implying that the target’s judgment is illogical because there is something wrong with the target and his or her own mental health.
The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1944 movie “Gas Light,” which was based on the 1938 play Angel Street, in which the protagonist is the subject of this type of manipulation by her husband: the man steals some of his wife’s family jewelry without her knowledge, leading her to believe that her concerns about the decrease in the intensity of the light and gas in the house because of his nightly searches to steal the jewelry, is all in her head, and she starts to doubt everything.
Thank you, Hollywood!!!!
Gaslighting is a Manipulation Technique
- The Gaslighter needs to be right to maintain control and power.
- The victim allows the Gaslighter to define his sense of reality because he idealizes him and seeks his approval in a spasmodic search for approval and validation.
Are you part of the problem?
Have you ever heard the expression “takes two to Tango”?
Gaslights, the movie
Before you ask for my head for lunch, let’s be clear: there is a victim and a victimizer. What if I had a dollar for every person who justified what they allowed the opposing side to do? I would be retired.
The action-reaction effect states that when one generates, the other one reacts. It is like Jiu-Jitsu, the art of paralyzing and disabling an opponent by using their strengths and weaknesses.
In lame terms, you must allow the other person to be in control.
In order to correct this, let’s review some examples and terms to help you understand and maybe modify this.
Signs that a person is a Gaslighter
- detachment, lack of empathy, and inability to involve oneself in intimate interpersonal relationships.
- disinhibition, i.e. low emotional intelligence that results in difficulty managing impulsiveness and emotions; and antagonism, i.e. a tendency to criticize and discredit others.
- Manipulative behavior.
- Saying something about you with other people and implying after they didn’t say it and the person who is informing you about the criticizing is jealous.
- Modifying facts in front of others or behind your back.
- Attributing to you a problem that they have, with this, they can imply that you are mirroring them, and make you look like crazy in front of others.
- Telling your friends you are not well, and that he/she is trying to help you. This way they dismantle any comment or situation in which you complain about the gaslighter. (manipulation)
Sign of Gaslighting or that the other person is just an ASSHOLE
- “You don’t care about me”.
- “You are selfish” (patterns of deflection).
- “You’re mean, but I’ll manage”.
- “If you cared, you would do it”.
- “You don’t like me”.
- “You’re crazy” (deviant or stereotype models).
- “I was just kidding!” (trivialization patterns).
- “You are imagining things” (patterns of denial).
- “You are overreacting” (trivialization patterns).
- “I am worried about you, I think you are not well” (deflection patterns).
How to act
When someone is being gaslighted, they may experience extreme mental disorientation and bewilderment, leading them to react defensively by trying to argue with the person who is doing the gaslighting that what they are saying is not in line with reality.
When the abused person believes that the abuser is telling the truth, she/he sinks into a deep depression, accepts the abuse as inevitable, and gives into the abuser’s control.
When the target realizes they have been manipulated, the Gaslighter is no longer in control.
The first step to getting away is to get help from a professional who can help you figure out how the abuser is controlling you.
Avoid provoking the manipulative individual into an argument about who is right and who is wrong.
Refresh one’s ability to tune in to one’s own inner monologue.
Emphasize on reconnecting with loved ones.
Make sure you have conversations in front of others if you can’t cut ties with the person.
Keep all the communication by email or text.
If your state allows this [check with a lawyer] you can record the conversations.
Whether you are a victim of gaslighting or not, get help. 50% of a solution is finding the problem. The Internet is not the best way to find answers; every Bozo with a computer gives advice, which can lead you to wrong conclusions.
Look for support groups if you can’t afford professional help. Get friends that can help you vent without adding gasoline to the fire; you need to have a clear idea of how to act, and not react.
If you are in a situation where you can’t get away from this person, don’t let them get under your skin.
If you want to learn more ways to learn a “SUPERPOWER” and “SPECIAL SKILLS” – set a call with us or go to https://www.humanbehaviorhackerschool.com/
Some classes we have:
Face Reading Profiling
Human Behavior Dictionary –
W.E.B – Words -Emotions -Behavior –
How Body Language
Face Reading Profiling
Language – Elicitation
Easy Divorce Guide