A confessed narcissist is dividing people on TikTok, describing how she used to manipulate people before changing her ways.

• A creator on TikTok called Lilith says she is a narcissist and describes how she sees the world. 
• In one video, she detailed how she used to manipulate people and said she is trying to reform.
• The comments are divided, with some praising her for sharing and others finding it hard to take.

A TikTok creator named Lilith is dividing opinion with her accounts of how she used to skillfully manipulate people, describing herself as a reformed narcissist.

Lilith, who goes by the moniker toxiccwaste0 on the platform, produced a series of videos describing what she said was her past cruel behavior.

Lilith said in a previous video she had been formally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder in 2021, though she didn’t provide evidence of this or of the relationships she described. Insider has contacted her to ask for more details.

Narcissistic personality disorder requires “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy,” according to the criteria listed in the DSM-5 — a manual of mental disorders used by many psychotherapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists.

People with the diagnosis often struggle maintaining careers and relationships, and can be highly emotional, unpredictable, and calculating.

While there is no cure for narcissism, therapy does help if the narcissist decides to seek it.

Lilith describes herself as someone who decided to seek help and is trying to reform and end the abuse she said she inflicted on others.

Though Lilith didn’t post evidence of the interactions she describes, her stories align with how narcissists are likely to behave, according to experts in the field. Her videos cover reeling people in when they try to leave, having a penchant for chaos, and love-bombing potential victims.

In one recent video, which was viewed over 550,000 times, Lilith responded to a comment asking her about the worst thing she had done to someone, physically or mentally. Anyone relating to what she was about to say should consider seeking help themselves, she said.

“This is going to be gross, and it’s embarrassing,” Lilith said. “I know that it doesn’t matter that it’s embarrassing to me, what maters is that it’s wrong. So I’m prefacing this with: This is wrong and you shouldn’t do this to people.”

Lilith said she always viewed her relationships like “mental chess.”

“Everything that I said or did was planned and thought out to get reactions and to get people to do certain things,” she said. “So I pushed people to really bad places.”

Lilith said she would find triggers and traumas to use for her own gain — “so that I could have more control over them.”

She mentioned one person she said sent her $150,000 during the pandemic, despite her treating him incredibly badly. 

“I was telling him to kill himself, and was being really mean and making him cry all the time, and I would lie to him and then I would give him doses of what he wanted,” Lilith said. “But I was mostly just really abusive. … I just wanted to keep him so I could keep using him.”

That “complete disregard” of a person was probably the worst thing she had done to someone else, Lilith said. But she used to think that it was “cool” to be able to manipulate people in this way and “implant thoughts” into their brains through suggestion.

“I liked doing it, and now I feel disgusted and I don’t think that it’s right,” she said. “I know that people are probably going to be like ‘Wow, you’re a piece of shit.’ But that’s why I’m on here. That’s why I’m talking. That’s why I’m trying to be honest.”

In comments underneath the video, Lilith said she in no way wanted to be a role model for anybody, and had made “terrible choices” in her life that she was trying to make up for. She said she had apologized to the man and offered to pay back some of the money, but he refused the offer.

Comments underneath Lilith’s video were divided, with some people praising her for her honesty. Self-aware narcissists are very “few are far between,” one person said, while another said the kind of accountability Lilith was taking was “not seen enough.”

“All I’ve ever wanted from the people who treated me this way was to admit it and attempt to live in their truth,” one comment says. “I appreciate you. You deserve to heal.”

Others were not so forgiving of Lilith’s actions. One person asserted there was “nothing behind” her eyes, while some said she was “scary.” A handful of comments criticized Lilith for smiling during the video, with one saying, “I got a feeling she don’t actually feel bad about this.”

Lilith responded to one person who asked her why she would admit to this behavior, saying that “a part of getting better is admitting you did something wrong.”

“The shame and guilt that I live with from doing these actions is way worse than any social or judgmental stigma that I get from speaking about it, and clearly speaking about it is helping people,” she said. “It’s not helping everyone — some people don’t like it — and that’s OK.”

Here is her channel @toxiccwaste0/TikTok