9 Signs It May Be Time to End a Friendship

Key takeaways:

• Friendships are a source of emotional support and boost our health and well-being.
• Some signs that it may be time to end a friendship include gossip, manipulation, or disrespecting boundaries. 
• Most friendships drift apart naturally. But sometimes you have to take steps to break up. One way to do this is to communicate using “I” statements and say things like “I need a break.” 

Friendships are a valuable part of our everyday lives. They provide social and emotional support. A good buddy will be there when you’re feeling down or lonely.

Sadly, friendships can also change and become unhealthy. Below are nine signs it may be time to end a friendship and some tips for breaking up. 

Signs that it may be time to end a friendship

These nine red flags can signal that your friendship isn’t working.

1. Gossip

People talk about other people all the time. But when a friend shares something with others you told them in confidence or talks down about you when you’re not around, it feels really bad. 

“Trust is essential to any close friendship,” says Irene Levine, PhD, a former professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine and author of the Substack newsletter, Friendship Rules. “If you can’t trust your friend, it weakens the relationship.” 

2. Jealousy

We all feel jealous from time to time, and that’s OK. You might feel envious of a colleague’s promotion, or a friend might begrudge your new relationship status.

Levine says jealousy is common between friends, “but if your friend is so jealous that they repeatedly say hurtful things, you may want to rethink the friendship.”

3. Insulting behavior

Some friends put each other down as a joke. They think of it as playful banter between buddies. But insults can also cause emotional pain. If you’ve had enough, say so. And if your friend won’t stop, it could be time to reevaluate your relationship.

4. Disrespect of boundaries

Boundaries are limitations you set to keep you safe emotionally and mentally. They let others know what behaviors you’re good with and what behaviors make you uncomfortable. For example, if you tell a friend to stop calling you at work and they continue, they’re disrespecting your boundaries.

“No matter how close friends are, they need to be respectful of boundaries,” says Levine. 

5. Unequal focus of attention

Some friendships can feel lopsided, like you’re more invested in the relationship or vice versa. It can feel draining if you’re the one making all the effort. Conversely, you might feel guilty or annoyed with a friend who pushes for more time together.

6. Constant conflict

Do you find yourself fighting regularly with a friend? It’s just one misunderstanding after another and nothing gets resolved. 

“Being able to communicate is key to a good friendship,” says Levine. “It may be a sign that you need to step back when that becomes difficult.”

7. Manipulation

The American Psychological Association defines manipulation as “behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage.” Manipulation can be tricky to recognize. It may feel like your friend is playing you, but you’re not sure.

If you sense that a friend is taking advantage of you, voice your concerns. If they get defensive or refuse to listen, you might want to give the relationship some space.

8. Codependency

Codependency is also sometimes known as “relationship addiction.” It may feel like your friend constantly goes above and beyond to take care of you then acts like a martyr. They may express hurt or anger when you don’t praise their efforts.

9. Lack of interest

Friendships wane all the time and that’s normal. You may have had a common bond at some point like a job or a recreational club, but one or both of you have moved on. It’s OK for your interests to change and for each of you to find new friends with shared interests. 

What’s the best way to end a friendship?

“There’s no one best way to end a friendship,” says Levine. “It depends on both friends, the nature of their relationship, and why the friendship is ending.”

Levine says that most friendships fray because two people drift apart and lose interest in the friendship. But when a breakup is one-sided, it’s more painful for both parties.

Levine offers these suggestions to end a friendship:

• Try to step back by not initiating contact.
• See the person less frequently and only in group settings.
• Take responsibility for the decision rather than blame them.
• Use “I” language rather than “you” language when expressing your concerns.
• Be kind because, after all, this person was your friend.
• Say that you need to cut back or take a break.
• Never break up impulsively.
• Think carefully about what you’ll say and how you say it.

The bottom line

Friendships are a wonderful way to connect with other people. They promote mental health and well-being and bring meaning and value to our lives. 

Sometimes friendships change, though. You may hear that your BFF is saying unkind things behind your back or you may feel like they’re trying to use you. If that’s the case, it may be time to step back or tell them you need a break from the relationship. 

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